Time is Passing Me By. I Will Not Give Up.

This will be short. I have found myself to be very upset by grown children working on buying a house in a neighboring city. Shouldn't I be happy for them. I haven't been happy but very distraught. They are the only ones of the family who have been living in the same city as my husband and myself. I took care of their children, our grandchildren, for years and now they are older and do not need the same care as they once did. My heart longs for the long talks and laughs we shared as well as the fun projects we did together. Now they will probably be moving away. I realized over the weekend that part of the reason I feel upset is because I remember when we were in that same sort of season. Children still underfoot, moving to a new house, excited and loving life. Now those types of seasons have passed us by. What are things we have to look forward to now, I wonder? I find myself to be jealous of the season they are in and yet we already had ours. Why would I be jealous. I want the best for them and want them to be happy and joyful while they have their own children underfoot and close by. I find it is the adjusting stage I am upset about. The fear of the unknown. Feeling rejection by some in the family yet still wanted and loved by the others. Growing more sensitive and emotional as the years slowly creep up on me. I find myself looking back way too often as the same memories keep passing before my eyes. I try to do the impossible and look ahead and instead am imagining a worrisome future. I believe many in our age group are doing the same thing. I am trying to be positive and trying to find the answers others before me have already found. Answers to the questions I have about becoming a senior citizen. I have become far too alone. I realize this now. I had felt this was the easier solution having depression and anxiety issues then having to try to explain myself to friends or acquaintances who do not understand my plight in life. I find my issues stand before me not allowing me to see around them. So here I am sitting with the issues in front of my face as I try to find ways to survive this. I will not give up.