Where Do I Go? Where Do I Begin. Narcissistic Abuse 101

Realizing I am and have been living with a narcissist for over 45 years. My life has become a shambles and a facade. It isnt any kind of life. There is no LIFE. Only death. Where can I go? How can I get my life back or a better life than I had before. I was but a young adult and did t know enough to get to know a man before becoming his live in partner and then wife. I was not wise. Now how to backtrack while I still have life to live. Coming back to this blog. Do not know how safe it is. I need to find this out.